"Hell Week"

It's been quite a week and it's only Wednesday!! Reminding me a little of "hell week" aka exam week in college. There is little sleep, no real meals, and I'm dying for it to be over and for the weekend to get here. ASAP, because my relief arrives on Friday at 5 pm. Not that I'm counting down or anything.

Blake and Declan both have some mystery sickness, and we are on day three (3!!!) of fevers, runny noses, breathing treatments, and one puking incident that resulted in a humongous mess and an outfit change five minutes before we were supposed to leave to take Logan to school. Thank goodness Logan and I are still in the clear, but it always seems that sicknesses make their rounds before their final exit so I'm a little wary of our good fortune so far! Back to the pediatrician tomorrow to check on Dec's lungs and keeping my fingers crossed that this illness goes AWAY. Not a great week for Daniel to be in Jax again! 😩

I spent a lot of time growing up in the church. I remember many years of Bible class at the private Baptist school I attended, doodling on the bulletin during Saturday night church, hanging out at the Wednesday night youth groups. I read my Bible and had a close relationship with God during those years. I was baptized in front of the church during middle school. As I grew older and the church I attended cycled through several pastors, our youth groups fell apart and my friends started going in different directions, and I transitioned to public high school, I started to fall away from God. 

I kept an on and off again attitude towards God all through out college. I only read my Bible or attended church when it was convenient for me, and felt like I could live my life how I pleased the rest of the time. After all, once saved always saved, right? It bothered me some, but I was so focused on me and what I could be doing to make my own life happier/better/more successful that I honestly didn't give God much time or thought.

After college graduation, I started attending church a little more frequently and once again began reading my Bible. I wanted that close relationship with God again that I once had, but I didn't seem to be able to have the peace I so wanted. I had spent so many years focusing on this elusive "dream job" that was going to make me happy, and when I still didn't feel happy after landing an awesome job with a great paycheck I felt lost. When we found out we were pregnant and Daniel got the job of his dreams in Jacksonville, I felt hopeful. Maybe that was what I needed to get me out of my rut.

For a very long time, I relied on situations to inspire my faith. On emotions. If I was happy, I sometimes pursued God. When I felt unhappy, that was when I searched for Him the most, but never felt any peace. It wasn't until after we had Logan that I felt that things changed for me. Kids have a funny way of changing you; often they change us immeasurably more than we change them. He has taught me the importance of patience, selflessness, grace, mercy, to have faith like a child, and that love covers a multitude of sins. Watching Logan (and Blake) grow has made me realize what the truly important things in life are.

On my 27th birthday I vowed to take my relationship with God seriously. He is the entire reason we are here, the entire meaning of life for us. I read a lot of Christian mom blogs written by women who have so many qualities that I wish I had - they seem to be so solid in their faith, it comes so easy to them to be close in their relationship with Him. I decided that it was silly for me to sit around and wish for that when I could so very easily have it for myself. And now here I am, a month and a half shy of my 29th birthday, and I'm so happy that I made the decision to make a conscious effort to devote time in my relationship with God. It is so much more than going to church each week, so much more than following rules, more than just simply acknowledging that Jesus is Lord. 

I'm not where I want to be, but I've come a lot farther than I imagined. He has brought me to my knees over past sin that I had pushed aside and forgotten about. He has shown me that He delights to show mercy and that He will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all of our iniquities into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:18-20). He has revealed to me the true meaning of grace, mercy, and love - and how freely He gives us these. 

This ended up being a lot more than I intended to write. It's a little scary for me to put all of this in writing; I have always been a very private person about my faith, but I felt like I should write this. 

"Come near to God and He will come near to you." James 4:8

One year of hearing!

My one year anniversary of wearing a hearing aid is coming up this week. I know this sounds a little crazy, but it really has changed everything! I always knew my hearing was awful, but I never knew exactly how much I was missing until I started wearing a hearing aid. But gosh, I still haven't gotten used to calling it a hearing aid, it makes me feel like I'm a million years old :P

So my one year review of the Widex Dream is that it's still fantastic, and totally worth it! As predicted, my brain took a couple of weeks to adjust to all of the noise that I used to not hearing (a/c running, toilet flushing, car engines, etc) and stop giving me a headache by 3pm every day. Although I won't lie, I often take it out around 4pm anyway - I'm usually tired of hearing the kids fighting at full volume at that point! ;)

I love being able to hear almost everything now - no more missing out on conversations, hearing people talk when far away or in the backseat of a car, birds chirping, not having to turn up the volume on the tv, and actually hearing music the way it was meant to be heard! Even the boring noises I never knew I was missing, like the beep of the dishwasher when it's done running...and fun stuff too, like hearing the coqui frogs in Puerto Rico for the first time :)

And a special thanks to my wonderful husband (who doesn't read this, but I'll give him some credit anyway!) for pushing me into trying it out. Without him I would still be stuck in my not-hearing-but-thinking-I-can-get-by world!

Cheers to many more years of hearing! 

Boys!

I finally got around to ordering a necklace with all my boys' names on it. It's been something I've wanted for awhile now, so when a sale popped up I couldn't help but take advantage of it! 

Not the best photo of me or the necklace, but I love it! I never in a million years imagined myself as the mama of three wild little boys, but it really is the best! I love how busy they are, even on the hard days (and not gonna lie, lately a lot of days are hard). This season of life is kind of kicking my butt, but I've been learning a lot about patience and grace (both giving and receiving).

And today was definitely a tough day. Between a dentist check up for Logan, a spur of the moment pediatrician appointment for Declan, and a crabby two year old Blake...it was a day. There was a pee accident, the stroller and my phone were pooped on by a bird, got rained on, lots of fighting in the car, a surprise baby rash, and the boys just pushed everything to the limit. Just one of those days. I had a glass of red wine after everyone went to sleep (all by 7:30, thank goodness), cheers to a smoother day tomorrow! On the plus side, Declan is certainly growing. My littlest man is already 14 lbs 10 oz at two and a half months!

Crazy with 3

I have so much that I would like to say on my most recent life endeavor, aka taking care of three kids, but with that new job title comes exhaustion, both physical and mental. So, long story short, I haven't had much time for 'me' lately. Understatement of the year, actually. Daniel actually asked me the other day when was the last time I showered, and I really had to think about it. That's when you know your life has reached a low point and you're truly too busy.

A few thoughts on life with 3:

- Someone is ALWAYS making noise. Whether it's the big kids fighting over a toy, the baby crying, or someone asking for a snack...there is never a quiet moment going on in this house. And if there is...it's probably because the big kids have turned over a laundry basket and perched it on top of the couch to use as an extra-high jumping point while I make dinner. I can't even make this stuff up, folks. It's a miracle we don't make an appearance in the ER on a daily basis.

- The mental exhaustion is real. Just the other day I poured Cheerios into my coffee and put Parmesan cheese on my salad instead of my spaghetti. Let's not forget the fact that I have 8 boxes of angel hair in my pantry because I keep buying it "because we're running low on pasta" every time I go to Publix. And if someone asks me for the millionth time that day if they can have a snack or that they don't like dinner, I might just break out the ol' "there's starving kids in Africa" line.

- I am a true master of poop. Yes, you heard that right. Logan always wants to go the minute I sit down to feed Declan, Declan poops about fifteen million times a day (usually right in a row and ending with a blowout, since that's what babies do), and potty training Blake has been an experience in itself with lots of Lysol involved. Another fun fact of motherhood: we can always be identified by the presence of a tiny potty in the trunks of our cars. 

Well, I was going to add more but to be honest, now that everyone is asleep I think I'm just going to pass out in this bed for a few hours before the munchkins wake up and call upon me for the beginning of my 14 hour workday. Not that anyone's counting, or anything.