Two things I've been struggling with lately:
Purpose
Peace
Purpose because it's really been on my mind lately...what is the ultimate goal of my life? Sometimes the things I do seem so insignificant compared to all of the many hats that others wear. I know moms that juggle multiple kids, a household, and hold down a side hobby that brings in money to help the family out. Yes, I know that the true purpose of being a stay at home mom is to simply take care of my kids - and I LOVE doing that! But I would also like to contribute to society in some way, besides raising awesome kiddos ;) But since I don't really have any great side talents and I totally suck at selling stuff (you're not interested in my products? Oh? Well, ok. Nevermind then. See? I hate being pushy. It's just not in my nature) I really have no clue what to do about it.
The second thing is PEACE. Yeah, this is a big one. I'm not talking peace sign wrist tattoos or the super cute VW bus in Cars 2 (his name is Fillmore, kind of sad that I know that). I'm talking peace from my anxiety, from my fears. Lately I have felt just totally gripped by my fears and it's gotten a little ridiculous. I can't just go around living life totally terrified of the "what ifs." So - that's been my main goal lately. Letting go of all the things that control me and trusting God that whatever does happen in my life, good or bad, is totally by His plan.
Emily I could of written this post word for word. I don't know what it has been lately but ever since Addi was born and everything happened with her and then with Charlie, and so many deaths since I feel like I am constantly questioning my purpose and constantly in fear of everything. I actually was talking to my Mom about it, how I wake up in the middle of the night fear stricken and just start praying over and over that God watch over everyone and keep us safe, healthy, and happy. Of course the idea of something happening is what brings on the who purpose issue, like what am I doing with myself, is this it for me? I even looked into going back to school, but I don't want to give up my time with the kids, and with a third on the way will I have any focus for it... probably not. Anyways just wanted you know to you aren't alone in the way you feel and I have been struggling with both these issues big time.
ReplyDeleteWe are so much alike! I wish you were here to talk about everything with, next time I get a free moment during your girls' naptimes I'm going to give you a call!
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